The Conservative party announce split from young people

In a bid to woo young voters, The Conservatives have announced that they are cutting all ties with young people. Their first step to achieve this involved them kindly capping university fees at £9,250, a small amount for most people, next they will sever links to every Conservative university group. The move to disassociate themselves with young people comes after successfully raising the average age of the party membership to 72 years old.

Ellie King of the Conservative group at Warwick University said the separation works because “It gives us the freedom to do what we want and campaign for who we want”. An attitude used by St Andrew’s University group, when they burnt an effigy of Barack Obama.

The all-important youth votes

This is a radical move by many and some university students were relieved that the Conservatives were actively cutting ties with them. One individual stated that hopefully “there will be no more dodgy memes”. The Conservatives have already been able to successfully cut ties with ethnic minorities and the poor, this move will further strengthen their voting base of old, white and rich men with traditional, racist and sexist ‘British values’. The male-dominated party even elected a woman as leader to woo female voters.

Many of the party membership view Jacob Rees-Mogg as one of the top choices to be the party leader, after they have finished using Theresa May’s image and political career as a robotic sex doll and screwing it at every opportunity. There has been an attempt for just over a decade to distance the party from people themselves, this has already been highly successful after the Bow Group, a Conservative think tank, have reported that they have lost 50,000 members in 4 years, with two-thirds leaving since 2005.

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