As we approach Christmas day, millions of men prepare to disperse from their homes onto the streets for their Christmas shopping. Retailers have been preparing for the onslaught after last year the police were inundated with missing person calls from husbands, wives, girlfriends, and boyfriends. The staff have already had to deal with so much since the festive period started back in May.
The real test of fortitude, patience and true customer service skill will begin, they must use every ounce of these skill sets in their possession so that the loved ones of men don’t go wanting and here is why.
When men do finally descend onto retailers; scientists predict a significant increase to indifference amongst Christmas shoppers, in fact one scientist I spoke with said “through various studies each year, we can predict that indifference will rise, by a staggering 87% within the next few days.” The same study cites that the reason for this is predominantly men, when they finally start their Christmas shopping without their partners to guide them to the correct presents. This leaves many partners either diplomatically liking the present through the effort made by their other halves as they, or a series of arguments after months of hints are completely ignored.
Retailers have been preparing their staff with guides to spotting those who are lost, we managed to get hold of a copy of the manual that is being distributed nationwide. A few signs stated within, include ‘found aimlessly looking at toilet roll’ continues with signs such as ‘grown a beard when they came in clean shaven, probably been here since last year’ and ‘found shouting at jewellery after it refuses to tell him whether it will suit that new dress, that has been bought by his mother-in-law’.
The staff at one retailer have even prepared survival kits for their staff to rescue stranded men who will usually be found ‘curled up in a ball on the floor, surrounded by make-up and weeping’. This kit includes a small oxygen tank, an alcoholic beverage and a sausage roll from Greggs, one staff member said “this is a real issue and we must treat it with respect.”
This is a real issue and the latest studies show that indifferences are on the rise and with the constant growth of goods on offer, this is only set to become worse as each year passes. Innocent men are getting lost to their families just days before Christmas and some never return. This year if you see a lost man please donate some of your time to help them, they are just lost souls trying to do something for the ones that care most for this Christmas.